A few months ago, while walking my two young girls to a soft play centre, I was struck by a thought – the journey is just as important as the destination
I think it was half term at the time, which explained I wasn’t in my usual “we’re late for nursery AGAIN” morning rush. So I’d let my toddler L set the pace as we walked. As I watched her scoot along, I saw her face light up in pure joy as she negotiated London’s bumpy pavements, looking back to let me know she’d done it “All by myself Mummy!”
And in that moment I realised that the moments and minutes that help us get to where we are going are as important to her as wherever we wind up.
And it saddened me to realise that when I rush her and hurry her as I often do because of my need to be at X location by Y time, I miss the point by her standards – I miss out on experiencing the adventures big and small as seen through her eyes.
All this got me thinking – so much of the big moments, the special moments, the epic moments in life happen on the bumpy road in between. In the spaces and groves between where we are now and where we aspire to be.
For example – my husband and I dream of owning our own house. And as we look ahead and dream and imagine, its easy to miss the beautiful, chaotic, incredible right nows that take place in our slightly run down, totally not to my taste three bed rental property. Because right now, this is our home. This is where I’ve painted second hand furniture we picked up from random places and tried to turn an empty shell into a home. This is where I watched my firstborn grow out of babyhood and into a toddler. This is where I brought our second baby back to after our crazy labour adventure in hospital. This is where we sit around the table and laugh together. This is where I’ve torn my hair out trying to work out the best way to discipline my daughter as she ran into her Trying Two’s stage. Where we potty trained our eldest, and weaned both onto solids. It’s where my husband and I have enjoyed many a quiet night in, dreaming, talking, not talking, watching, singing, being, doing. Where we’ve celebrated victories big and small, negotiated challenges, and where we’ve been real. This is our right now home. And as thankful as I will be for a space that we will call our own (understatement of the century!) I never, ever want to forget all the highs, lows, mundanes and meaningfuls that happened inbetween, in this home we’ve borrowed for a few years.
I’m realising that the same is true for all areas of my life.
I want to be able to enjoy the present – warts, imperfections and all – and not let looking forward to the next big cause me to miss out on my right now.
I’ve heard it said that God stretches us most in times of pain, and times of waiting. While waiting is no doubt uncomfortable, I’m learning to fight it less, and embrace the moment more, in the hope that I don’t miss any key lessons and milestones on the way.
So for example, as we save and wait for the right time to buy a house, I’m learning to trust that the same God who has has provided for us in so many ways before is going to come through on the house front. I’m learning to lean into my husband more as he grows into his role as head of and provider for our family. I’m learning to trust, fullstop. I’m also learning to manage a house better, be a mother, and make space for me rediscover who I am. It’s hard. It’s frustrating. But it’s my real, and it’s my right now. Watch this space, I’ll keep you posted.